From Pneumatology to CPR: Why I Love My Job

I’ve been reluctant to admit it because it seems too early to say so, but I love my job. About three months ago I took a leave of absence from my Ph.D. program and got a job at a family-owned company working with four adults with pretty severe physical and developmental disabilities. There are about a hundred reasons why I made this change, but only one of them is why I am writing this piece: I felt an overwhelming internal propulsion toward providing human beings with direct care.

I have felt that push for years, but so many things stopped me from pursuing that type of work. When I eventually took the proverbial plunge - requested the leave of absence and got the job - I discovered that my initial hesitancy was indeed well-founded.

The job was a terrifying change of pace at first. I went from reading 300 page monographs on pneumatology, trauma, and personhood to becoming certified in CPR, first aid, and behavior management; from writing paper abstracts to filling out medication sheets and food intake logs; from seeing myself as a doctoral candidate in theology to seeing myself as a completely medicinally inexperienced new staff member.

Yet inspite of the challenges I continue to face in transitioning into a new field, context, and framework, I love my job. I love my job not only because it is so rewarding and challenging, but also because it is providing me the time, opportunity, and experience to gently debunk some vocational myths I have held for years:

Myth #1 - Church-related ministry is the only professional opportunity to impact others’ lives in direct and meaningful ways. After recently attending a birthday party for one of my residents, I realized I still have the privileged invitation into a shared life with others. Much of that impact and meaning comes from who I am as a person and the decision to show up, not necessarily from inhabiting a professional role.

Myth #2 - I will only be able to succeed in the path I have followed for five years. I came to believe that the church was the only system in which I could thrive. Three months into this job, however, I am so grateful to discover that new opportunities for learning, growth, and success exist literally everywhere. Especially in light of all of the negative forecasts for the future church and recent events at Luther Seminary, this job is slowly cultivating in me a deep-burning sense of hope in newness and possibility.

Myth #3 - I do not have the authority to talk about truth or meaning because I have not “put my time in” doing “real work” in the “real world.” As a young woman and lifelong student, I often felt over the past five years as if my contributions, insights, and voice were not taken seriously in the church. While part of that feeling of being dismissed is definitely a result of brokenness in the system, I suspect it was also partly because I frequently lacked of confidence in my own voice.

With every brief I change, medication I distribute, and head of hair I brush, however, I settle quietly and confidently into the beautiful and humbling reality of being human. We are such delicate creatures who must find ways of grappling with our own physical limits, and some ways of grappling with finitude are more creative and helpful than others.

Though I don’t yet have a clear sense of where this whole job path will go, I do know that I hope to continue to be a person who shows up to shared life with others, who trusts in possibility in spite of terrifying change, and who has enough confidence in her own voice and contribution to creatively, helpfully, and meaningfully provide others with direct care - in every sense of the term.